Another milestone

Today begins the 1st day of the 10 years KY and I have been together. Looking back it seems impossible that we actually spent 10 years together, the arguments, the temper tantrums, the depressions, the loss of loved ones, the accidents, the trips, the friends that we share, the mad laughing/squealing marathons, the comfortable quiet times .... just so much.

I look at him and he looks at me, I wonder at how much we've changed, for each other, because of each other. And how much we have not changed.

The next period of time together will be tougher than the last 10 years, this I know for sure. I just pray and hope that it will last another 10, and another 10, and another ..... till we end our days together.

Now I'll just spend today looking back and wonder and muse and cry and chortle ..... It has been a good 10 years, my love. And you are still the sweetest teddy bear in the whole wide world, even though you still love to cloak yourself in thundercloud.

Just

Just life. Nothing much one day. Madness the next. Sweet, boring, doubt, confusion, guilt. Then suddenly BOOM. Rush, scream, questions and questions and questions with no answers. Be nice, be calm, be sane, and above all else smile. Yeah. Right........right.

Mom, infection, bills, aunts, guilt, KY, lthxt, Grease, block, Tuesdays, kids, Mrs C Tan, waiting, Oleanna, stupid people, furniture, change, audition, your loss not mine, Sharon, class plan, rats, lizards, bamboo, neglect, youtube, bittorrent, limewire, idiots who don't prepare before, irritating pushy mothers, reports, write ups, election, wedding, green, house, green, car, green, dog, green, figure, green. Bile. S'pore, Ipoh, Perth, dream.

Yeah. Being cryptic. Ranting, raving. Living, dying. Crying, trying. Just.

You mean I just missed Valentine's Day? Jeez where have I been? Only marker of it passing was KY giving me a smooch at 11.30pm reminding me of it.

Never celebrated it before KY. Closest that came to it was with Chris. So two unattached booked a table at a hyper pricey restaurant and had a lovely fancy dinner chatting about things with the undercurrent of the love we felt for each other. Just me and Chris. I really miss her. (Bet pple at the rest thought we were lesb - fun though)

Valens was always painfully green and blue, seeing Chris and Ken, Chris and Clem ...and me alone.

But that's all water under the jambatan (if I got the word right). Now Valens is not important. Oct 26 is. This Oct will be our 10 year anniversary. One wonders at where all that time has disappeared to, and how much and how little the relationship has grown.

Will it endure? Will we endure? All the major life changing questions are being yelled into our faces now. The fork is at hand, and there's no turning back. ARRRGGGGHHH!

Surrender

Finally I succumb to it. SIGH. The dreaded flu that attacked my teddy a few days ago. We thought that sleeping apart till he was better would do the trick, but no. That dratted insidious thing! This on top of my back giving out on me again.... sob. What a week! I better go medicate myself now before the pain returns. Feeling like a junkie with so much pills in my system......

Must get better....too much work to do...

Friday

Managed to get the kids to finish the piece. FINALLY! Of course it was in total chaos and noise.

Gave 1 kid the dreaded 4th warning, and the way he said, "I don't like that" could make you feel real guilty. Found out that he had a problem - hyperactivity. Poor kid had to take medication for it. Tried to sit him down to talk to him, but could not even get him to make eye contact for more than 2 seconds. Sigh. What a sweet face he has, and such liquid eyes.

Drove back via the long way today. Needed to pick some folks up to send back, for once my car was full. Having a most enjoyable conversation with them made me realise most sharply how quiet the car can be when I'm traveling by myself; how very alone in the middle of the raging motion of machines. How my little capsule is no protection against all the negativity that radiates from the outside.

Not that I don't enjoy the solitude, it just that sometimes it is just too much ...